Everyone has responsibilities, it’s part of life. We have things we need to take care of, some of them are essential, yet some of them are not. We often take on things because we don’t want others to have to deal with them, we try to shelter people, or in some cases we believe we are the only ones capable of doing something (you are trying to exert too much control).
What sometimes happens is we take on too much at once and the shit weighs us down. We shoulder more than we can reasonably handle, and it drains our energy and causes undue stress in our lives. This often leads to other problems. It puts you in a pissy mood, which can cause you to be short with people who haven’t done anything wrong, it plays havoc on your health, and you may even resort to substances to take the edge off. You may even open yourself up to panic attacks.
There are things you can do, though.
The trick is to learn first and foremost what is an essential burden. We have to learn to prioritize what matters from what doesn’t. We can significantly lighten our loads by examining everything we do and asking ourselves honestly if it is absolutely necessary for you to take on this burden.
Sometimes we take on these burdens because we don’t like to say no to other people. We do everything, and we get in the habit of it. In these cases it is a matter of practicing restraint and increasing our own self-respect, so that we can set boundaries.
Learn to delegate.
Is there someone else who can do it? Believe it or not, you aren’t the only person who can do this shit. You don’t need to pull all the weight. Delegate. Get others to share some of the burden. It’s not unreasonable for you to expect other people to share some of the responsibility for things, unless they have no business doing what you ask of them. We don’t like it when others pawn their responsibilities off onto us, so don’t do it to other people. But get help if you need it.
Like I said before, set boundaries. Communicate them and enforce them. This especially happens at home and at work. People heap shit onto you because, well, because they know you’ll do it. They can get away with it because you let them.
What you allow will continue. — Me
Learning to say no is one of the most liberating things you can do. You are not a doormat or a mule. You have limits and people need to understand this. If you already have too much on your plate, say so. Tell them you can’t do it and stand by it. People will try to talk you out of this decision. Respect yourself enough to say enough is enough. Tell them to find someone else to do it or tell people to do it themselves.
People need to learn that you are not theirs to manipulate. The more you do this, the less people will test you on it. You have to train them to leave you alone. It’ll be harder at first, because people won’t understand why you’ve suddenly “become difficult.” Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking you’re the one who’s being difficult. After all, aren’t they the ones pushing the issue? Why are you always the difficult one and not them? Stand up for yourself. Start smacking people’s peepees.
Some things you might say:
I already have too much on my plate right now, sorry.
I have other plans/responsibilities already that I need to tend to.
I’m not the only one who works here.
You’re going to have to find someone else to do this.
It isn’t fair to me that I am the only one who always does this. I feel taken advantage of.
I am not your doormat.
You are more than capable of doing this yourself, and I believe in you.
Don’t pawn your shit off on me, motherfucker.
Prioritize.
If a thing can be put off while you handle something more important, do so. And don’t think about it while it’s not on your plate. Worrying or fussing over something that’s clearly not that important right now will only make the other burdens worse. Learn to let go. Learn to discard. Focus on what matters most in this moment. Lighten your load.
It’s not procrastination if you’re prioritizing your focus. Procrastination is different. It’s putting something off simply because you don’t feel like it. While you may not feel like doing something that’s less important than what you need to take care of first, it’s not exactly procrastination. You’re being smart about it.
Practice Shedding.
Lastly, you can lighten your emotional burdens by getting rid of other stressors in your life. Cut out all nonessentials. You don’t need other things adding to it. (See this article for more info.) The more you can put this one thing into practice, the more you will see your life begin to improve. Your health will actually improve as well. So learn to cut out the things that don’t require your attention right now, then figure out how to lighten the load of what does matter.
In conclusion, take shit off of your plate. Get others to share some of the load. And learn to quit putting more shit on your plate. Prioritize what matters now and learn to let shit go that doesn’t require your attention at all.
If you don’t do these things, you run the risk of snapping. Breaking down. Some people even have panic attacks because of it. My advice is that it’s better to prevent this than to deal with it when it’s already upon you.
It is easier to kill a baby dragon than to try when it’s fully grown.
The whole thing is like doing the dishes as you go, after every meal, rather than waiting for the shit to pile up and get out of control. Kill the dragon in its crib. It’s much easier.
-Janden
Leave me a comment if you’ve struggled with this.
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