The highest state of being in Loricism is called exsolutus. It means freed, as in released from your impulses, your ego, your judgments. It is a state of self-mastery. You are unaffected by the push and pull of others, your reactions, etc. You are essentially unshakeable. People and situations do not get under your skin, leaving you unburdened and free to maneuver without tension, fear, anxiety, stress. You are calm and nothing can disturb your inner peace.
It is very much like enlightenment or the Stoic Sage.
It’s also easy to picture and very hard to attain. Not impossible, though. If you’ve been paying attention, it’s a matter of habit. It’s cultivated through self-awareness, self-control, and rational thought (especially with regard to justice).
But how do you maintain your inner peace when other people are fart-knockers all the time? How do you become unshakeable in the face of frustrating people and circumstances?
It’s all just noise.
I’m sure you’re familiar with military basic training, either through personal experience or seeing it in movies. The first part is the hardest part, because you have no idea what’s going on, it’s pure chaos, and you’re way out of your comfort zone. Instructors are all around you, and they’re always yelling at you. In fact, you can never do anything right. No matter what you do, they know how to yell at you for something. They find a way.
It’s very confusing, frustrating, and stressful. It’s loud. The whole thing is designed to inoculate you to stressful situations so you can perform under pressure.
After your first week or two, something magical happens. You stop giving a shit about these instructors. You stop taking it personally because you know it’s just noise. You become like Neo suddenly able to see the Matrix.
The noise goes in one ear and out the other, and you become unaffected by it. You are able to tune it out and go about your duties without the distraction of the chaos.
These assholes are actually a gift to you.
Any person or situation that threatens to pull you out of your ideal state (you can call it your Zen, your inner peace, whatever) is actually doing you a favor. Because achieving any degree of self-improvement requires that you practice and put concepts into action, you need opportunities that test you in order to make any kind of progress. Remember, progress doesn’t happen inside your comfort zone.
Shift your mindset.
Difficult people need not always be avoided, but embraced. Frustrations can be viewed as gifts. These things are bringing you closer to your goal. Allow me to give you another analogy.
When my son was 7 and just starting out in his football journey, he told me he wanted to be a great receiver. Because I am who I am, I told him that to become great at catching the football, he must catch the football lots. So profound. So for a very long time (months? years?) we made a deal that he would commit to at least 100 catches every day. Not attempts, but actual catches.
It paid off, because he’s great at catching the ball now. He put in the reps.
You must put in the reps.
If you want to reach a place where other people don’t get under your skin; i.e. you’re not letting them rent space inside your head for free, you must put in the work to get there.
Difficult people and situations are basically throwing you the ball. They are giving you the chance to practice. To work on recognizing your reactions and not being affected by any of the bullshit people throw at you. The more bullshit that comes your way, the more you will realize that it’s just noise. It can only get to you if you allow it to.
When you shift your mindset to viewing these people as helpful training partners or gifts, you also approach them from a place of gratitude. People who point out your hypocrisy, for example, ought to be thanked. But we often get defensive instead. People who offer up critiques ought to be thanked for helping you see where you can improve. And people who know how to push your buttons in just the right way ought to be thanked, for giving you the opportunity to put your shit to the test.
A sword can only get sharp by grinding against a whetstone.
Annoyances are the whetstone, and we should all be so lucky to be grateful for them helping us sharpen ourselves.
Final thoughts: you win every interaction.
When you start seeing people from this perspective, another great thing happens: you win every interaction. If a person is nice to you, you win. If they’re reasonable and easy to work with, you win. If they’re difficult, you still win. No matter what, you win. It’s just a matter of how you look at it. And once you realize that you’re the winner in every case, you start to experience less fear and anxiety. And the best part is getting to see the moment when other people realize they have no control over you anymore.
So you see? Everyone is a gift. Be grateful. It’ll change your life.
-Janden
Leave me a comment with your thoughts on this.
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